We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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