my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
