i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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