I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
