I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize