We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
