I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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