HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
