I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
