i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
