They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know her cup size but not her name....
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