when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
