My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
