I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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