you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
