Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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