Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i think we sleep fucked last night...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize