call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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