I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
