So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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