I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
