hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
