You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
