how can u be prego again
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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