Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
