Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
