Me too!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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