i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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