i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
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Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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