I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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