yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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