I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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