It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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