I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
