Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
