I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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