last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
