you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
