Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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