Having a random hookup so left but love u
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
