my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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