in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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