I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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