Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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