My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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