I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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