bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
