she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
