Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
