went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
