youre lurking in front of me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
