it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize