I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
