You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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