I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
