If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
