Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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