that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
