if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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