Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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