Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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