I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
