just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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