I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
