God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
