Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
