I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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