so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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