That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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