Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
