is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
