i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
