A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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