I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
