and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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