so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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