so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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