one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
