I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
