the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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