Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
