She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
