Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
