My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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