He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
pray to the hookup gods
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
